Small Things Amuse Beautiful Minds

    The last time I laughed so hard at something so little I was likely a little tipsy.  Oh to be a child again.  It's amazing how something so small can make a baby laugh.  Whether it be crinkly paper,  a funny noise, or a fake sneeze.  This doesn't make babies stupid, it makes them truly beautiful.  We often lose ourselves in the rush of life that we forget to stop and really look at the world.  So take a minute to watch this video and think about the little things in life that make you happy :)

Big Foot, Little Shoe

I had always heard that your shoe size can increase by .5-1 size from pregnancy. I thought it was all poppycock until I put my soccer cleats on for the first game of the season. When I was tightening them I was confused as to why my little shoelace bow was so tiny. Then I went to pass a ball. It really hurt my toes!

My shoe size has gone up at least half a size. This is nice because I get to buy new summer flats. This sucks because I have to pay for new summer flats. I did some research on the subject. What I thought was some lingering foot fatness from swelling in pregnancy, is actually bones shifting. The hormone in your body called "relaxin" that allows your hips to loosen in pregnancy/childbirth also loosens the ligaments in your feet. The bones then separate a bit and voila! Bigger feet! This change is permanent and no toe curls and ankle rolls will fix that. So go out and splurge on some new shoes! Tell your husband I said its okay. Okay?

Fascinating Facts

I saw this whiteboard in my Chiropractor's office. It got me thinking. I should sneeze more often. Maybe it would explain my lingering Baby Brain. Or maybe I'm having post-partum 1-second strokes. That's what my husband tells me anyways. Like a "Brain Fart" if you will.

I am constantly forgetting things, jumbling my words, or forgetting words in the English language altogether and somehow replacing them with other words that don't exist. Can baby brain linger? Maybe it has something to do with breastfeeding. I should call it boobie brain. That would work. "write it in underscore letters" was my latest boobie brain moment. Although there was wine involved in that incident.

What's your most akward boobie brain story?

The Dangers of Vaccinations

No, I'm not referring to autism because that's bullshit. I'm referring to projectile vomiting. Last night was another night Asher stayed in bed with us. He had his 4 month vaccinations Friday morning and was angry with life all night. I made sure to be diligent in loading up his tiny body with drugs through the day. However, in my sleepy stupor I forgot to give him some meds through the night. So up went his temperature and he was just a hot mess of fury.

About 7 this morning we woke up to him coughing. The coughing rapidly turned into projectile vomit. I tried to stop it with a small burp cloth. What was I thinking? A tiny cloth? Would a tiny cloth stop a tsunami of vomit? The answer is no. All I did was divert the fermented milk all over the bed. All over Ryan. And all over Asher.

Notice how I didn't say all over me? Haha it's funny how things work that way sometimes. Suckers.

Are you Co-Sleeping or just lazy?

       Lazy.  Yep. I'm incredibly lazy.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't think co-sleeping families are lazy.  I am just saying that the sole reason Ash ends up in our bed at some point in the middle of the night, is because I'm L.A.Z.Y.

L = Laying, specifically in bed, under my warm covers, until at least 7am.
A= Attitude, mine is severely impaired if I am tired.  Some may even say slightly delusional.
Z= Zebras, shut up.
Y= Yawning.  I have a severe problem with it if Im tired. Like my eyes water all day and my husband tries to throw things in my mouth.  He used to stick his finger in my mouth when I was yawning too much.  I bit it. That story is for another day.

      

        Dr. Sears and Dr. Newman have done tons of research on how co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS (something about breathing patterns synchronizing with the mothers so the likelihood of baby stopping breathing is reduced).  They also advocate it because it is incredibly natural and beautiful.  I think it can be kinda gross.  Asher is a sweaty, sweaty baby.  He has a bath every day because his head seriously stinks.  Wherever he sleeps, wether it be in his crib, your arms, or the bed, he turns into a furnace.  Every morning there is a long strip of sweat from where he was sleeping.  Which is awesome by the way, when you roll into it face first in the middle of the night.  I always roll into something gross.  Could be a sweat spot, drool, spit up, or my own leakage.  Gross.  I've tried shoving him to Ryan's side of our roomy double bed but it doesn't work.  He tends to drift towards the milk factory.

     So why the hell do I let him sleep with us? Take a look at that pie chart above.  See that orange piece of the pie? Sleep Deprivation? That's why!  I would personally switch sleep deprivation for unconditional love on the pie chart but don't tell Asher that.  When you have a baby that for the first month and a half woke up in the middle of the night gagging and turning blue due to thrush and swelling of his throat, you need to just survive somehow.  Asher was a very sick little boy.  Even though he is better now, I can't seem to bring myself to sleep train him.  He feeds frequently between 3am and 7am.  I tend to be sleeping during that time.  I would rather bring him into bed, roll over, flop out a boob (yes flop, some may even heave) and go back to sleep knowing that he will find it, eat, and go back to sleep himself.  My alternative isn't as easy.  I could feed him, rock him to sleep, put him crib, and repeat every 1.5-2 hours.

    So there.  I admitted it.  Think what you want, but this works for us.  I don't think he will be spoiled.  I don't think he will develop sleep issues.  I don't think he will develop attachment issues.  I couldn't do this long term mind you.  The second this little turd starts sleeping through the night he's in his crib full time.  I think its great those of you who by 3mos have their babies sleeping perfectly in their cribs only to wake for a feeding or two.  Good for you.  I also think its great those of you who choose to co-sleep for as long as your little one is willing.  Everyone feels secure, safe, and snuggly.  I see both sides to the debate on whether co-sleeping is good for a family or not.  Right now its good for us.

Caged Babies: Saving our Sanity

Only $5.99 at your General Store!

   

    My oh my how things have changed.  Its a shame they don't sell these anymore.  It is multifunctional too!  Comes with curtains for a breezy sleep nook! Remove the padding and no need for diapers or bibs! Oh how well people had it back then!  I'm kidding... I think I am anyways.  If it's not a window cage its something else.  A playpen, a gated room, a locked closet (wait what?).  These are all techniques us moms introduce to maintain our sanity.  Some nights (last night for me) we get very little sleep.  Our babies have their own schedule and for the first little while we follow it whether we like it or not.  Even if it means party time at 4am.  So to get that extra dose of morning caffeine, or even a little shut eye, we have to find little tricks to save our sanity.

Bars & Baby Einstein

   
          So many people talk about how important it is for human interaction and how couch potato children have poor health and social skills.  Those people had Nannies.  Yeah yeah I get it, I need to sing to my baby and stuff.  But I also need my sleep.  I need to shower.  I need to do laundry.  I need to eat.
And on a good day, I need to have a nice relaxing poop.  So sue me if I throw my baby in a crib and play a movie for him.  He gets some chill time and I get to have some privacy in the washroom.

Tummy Time with big cousin Cohen!

 This isn't the only time I use media as a babysitter by the way.  My baby hates tummy time.  He has hated Tummy Time since day 1.  I used to prop him up a little with a rolled up towel but he is now long past that.  Since he has figured out how to roll from tummy to his back Tummy Time has been an even bigger challenge.  He lasts about 10 second on his front until he decides to roll over.  This shouldn't be a big deal for most moms but it is for me.  He has some issues on one side of his neck and shoulders causing him to always turn to that side (another breastfeeding challenge).  This was likely caused by high forcep delivery when he was yanked from me in the most aggressive way possible.  His pediatrician said that more tummy time can help balance this out.  So how do I get him to stay on his tummy?  Baby Einstein of course!  I've tried throwing toys and books on the floor infront of him but he's just not interested yet.

            It is very important to have these methods or you end up doing stupid shit.  Take the picture below for example:

        This is our Diaper Genie.  Full of dirty diapers and last nights explosion perched on top.  The blue bag hangs down with that oh so important knot tied at the bottom.  Well guess what I forgot to do last time I changed the Diaper Genie.  Tie a freaking knot.  So this mess is what I blindly stuck my hand into this morning when I went to change the bag.  Delightful.  I was in such denial I called my husband and asked if he changed the bag last.  I was thinking I could not have done such a thing!  I did.  He hasn't ever changed it and doesn't even know how it opens.  I had to accept the facts: I'm an idiot.  Apparently I need to cage my baby more often.  A sane mom is a happy mom, and a happy mom has a happy baby!

Why do your nipples look like that?

        Why? Why you ask? From two months of thrush and a tongue tied baby B@#$%!!!!  I can't even begin to describe how difficult breastfeeding has been for me.  It has not been easy and still isn't.  It is very frustrating that my last 2.5 months of hell could have been prevented on day 1 in the hospital.  So mommies everywhere listen up! Any antibiotics given to you close to, during, or after labour require you to load up on Probiotics with at least 10 Billion active cells (i.e. the kind you get from a refrigerator at a health food store).  Then when you squeeeeeeze that little baby turd out, give HIM probiotics as well.  Let me tell you, thrush is no picnic and very difficult to get rid of!  And if your baby is tongue tied, get it clipped.  If not you can have milk supply issues, and the baby can have feeding and speech issues when he gets older.

I like this picture because she seems like the strict authoritarian type, 

but her eyes and sexy head tilt say she's a dirty dirty lady duck

       Well thats enough ranting about our health care system.  Today was our first Mother Goose group at Early Years.  Its where moms dress their babies up as uncomfortably as possible in jeans, sweaters, and cute little running shoes. We are there to sing songs and help kick start our babies' language learning.  I am not sure how and when it turned into a fashion show. But alas, I cant have the ugly duckling in class so I wake up early to dress him in the appropriate attire.  Usually the babies are busy watching other moms so you are sitting looking like an idiot singing Itsy bitsy spider to yourself.

Here's to feeling sexy! Or NOT!

     Why is it that when you have a baby their hygiene takes precedent? He is dressed to the nines and I'm wearing yoga pants and a sweater with barely brushed teeth and my husband's deodorant.  I also decided to try washable nursing pads today thinking maybe better airflow would help with my sore nipples.  It helped! Helped ruin my life!!! Ok maybe a slight exaggeration.  Nothing says motherhood like two large wetspots on your shirt infront of 15 women and 1 man that you have never met before.  The worst part is.. they all clearly knew before me.  They were sitting there thinking about it.  Wondering when I would notice. Pitying me.  In future ladies, don't silently pity me, just tell me my f-ing shirt is wet! Please and Thank You.  Also, another favour, when you see a mom with a young baby and sore nipples, come up with a better line than "Why do your nipples look like that?".   Why were you looking in the first place? Next time offer a sympathetic smile and mind your own damn nipples.

Brave New Mama starts Blog

Welcome!!

       If you are reading this you probably know me.  You will know that I had a baby boy in September and I have no idea what I'm doing.  You will notice that I likely have 0 subscribers.  So be a friend and pass this blog along to other Moms, Dads, Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, and hell your local convenience store clerk.

Asher Kaze Smith

sandrahillphotography.com

      I am going to make this a quick entry because I can hear my offspring downstairs with his father and is likely hungry.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, (haven't decided yet) that has everything to do with me and my anatomy.  I spent the first 2 months of Mommyhood fighting off Thrush alongside my son.  This has left me with some mixed feelings towards breastfeeding.  But you know what they say! Breast is Best! Who is THEY anyways? Do THEY know how hard it is? I think the saying should go.. "Breast is good for baby but freaking difficult but you should probably do it anyways".  Yep that has a special zing to it.

     So follow my blog!  I will likely write about some funny things, some disgusting things, some emotional things, and likely some completely random things that have nothing to do with Motherhood.

Enjoy!

Sarah